Thursday, October 30, 2008

Dianne Wilkerson is not Michelle Obama, or What to Wear When Shoving Money in your Bra

Dianne Wilkerson at Fill-A-Buster filling her pockets with bribe money.

Dianne Wilkerson at the No. 9 Park restaurant shoving $1,000 dollars in cash into her bra. How ladylike!

Oh Sweet Jesus, Dianne Wilkerson, bless her heart, poor thing thought she was going to get away with acting like a fool. She probably thought she was living the dream, but instead she's been living a nightmare if you read of her past. I come from a politically corrupt-as-shit part of the country, and this story just warmed my heart, made me feel at home. I've been raging lately, thinking "I can't stand to be here, I hate these people," then I get to my office and see one of the crap-ass Massachusetts elected officials has FINALLY been arrested, and for taking bribes! It's like a hug from Jesus! And not that there can't be anything else to arrest people for...have you people been blind? You spent $22 billion to bury a few miles of highway in downtown Boston, and then name a park after Ted Kennedy's dead mama, plus it seems to leak like a sieve, and has, so far, killed a few people. So when are the arrests?

Regardless, I love it, I love it all, the scandal, the drama, the fiery speeches, the "I'm innocent, I'm a victim, the man made me a target...I'm the underdog, etc" rhetoric. I walked around the office, making sure people knew, and I laughed, I cackled, it was a good day. And THEN the always-a-mess Boston Globe published something interesting: the photos!

But apart from just making this a blog post about how Dianne Wilkerson is utterly insane and shameful (and entertaining), I felt it appropriate to make known, to the ladies out there, shirts that are more appropriate to wear when trying to shove cash into one's own bra or shirt. So, I simply went to the Macy's website and found a few shirts I feel would be better to wear when, and if, one decides to meet an undercover federal agent at Scollay Square on Beacon Hill or the fabulously-named Fill-A-Buster restaurant. It would only be better if she would have been found at Clink in the Liberty Hotel or at Cuffs in the Jurys Hotel.

Does this model look like a saucy, demanding bitch? That's right! "Give me money for my bra!" At least it's button-down, so easy access, very quick. So, ladies, consider something button-down.

I know, this skinny white girl needs a sandwich and a milkshake more than a pile of cash. Good lord she's skinny. But back to the shirt: while not a button-down, I think it would be easier to shove some quick bribe cash in the chest area--better than having to reach under.

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